Polyamory sounds nice… but how do you put that into practice. How do you do poly?
Hans will say a few things about poly. While Juan and Alex will tell us about the reality of being in a polyamorous relationship.
Poly is like mono
Hans
…but with a few extra balls in the playing field
If poly is like Hans says: “monogamy on steroids”, the question arises: “Why would you?”
And the answers are maybe as he multiple as people practice ing polyamory. Ranging from “it is hot to have different lovers”, like “The things I learn about myself by being in multiple relationships”, like “The things I learn about my relationships by being in multiple relationships”, or like: “Because I know I will not be able to give my partner everything he wants and I love him enough to want to give him everything” to “I want to explore the fetishes that my partner does not share”. Sometimes the difference between a ‘slut’ and “polyamory” is not that big (tho poly has a wider range of feelings and levels).
We heard stories from people coming into poly because they were in relatively a vanilla love relationship, and more kinky than their vanilla lover… And that lovely vanilla man had the guts to tell basically: “go out and play (and I’ll trust you to come back probably)”.
Some people plan to be in a poly relationship but for others like Juan “it just happened”.
A niche within a niche
We did talk about the niche of poly within the fetish world (and the niche of fetish within the poly niche) and that discrimination happens within open-minded groups (that are themselves discriminated against) too. That it might even be an idea to change your app (Recon instead of Romeo)
We talked about meeting new kinks and fetishes by meeting new lovers. AND we talked about the fact that dating mono’s is a real investment into the relationship with that person. Somebody like that might subconsciously (or not) want to change you into mono, and would have a lot to learn before being emotionally able to choose for poly (even tho rationally it might be a good idea). So maybe it is easier to find people with shared ideas and expectations.
So listen to your own inner voice, your own gut feelings, and be clear about your ideas and expectations about relationships. Hell, even be clear about your hopes and expectations when you go to Darklands or another big partner with your partner for the first time. As Jakob said: You both should tell yourself “to go do the festival” and not “do your partner”…
About Pain and Partnership
Spot told us about his courageous man that gave more leash (not in a kinky way) by saying “We’ll never be more ready than this”. Thus choosing solo-poly.
Relations will be painful sometimes…
As Hans said in his talk: “it is not of much use to try to prevent the pain. But rather try to help each other to carry that pain together.”
That reality check is important. Don’t expect relationships to be 100% fulfilling, because your experience of your relationship will be hugely based upon your expectations.
Love is limitless. Agenda’s aren’t…
Hans about “Polysaturation”
There will be hick-ups and bumps in the road, there will be awkwardnesses. So embrace the uneasy feelings together. And help each other along the way as long as your loves last.
So talk about expectations and talk about responsibilities, talk about your (emotional) reality and about our fantasies. Talk about each other’s kicks and about the things you’re not able to give each other.
And about reality checks: we talked about getting older and maybe not being able to attract the same crowds as you would when in your twenties. So remember when an old fart like Hans tells you:
Nothing is for free. Even the sun does not come up for free… every time it costs a day. So choose your fun-times wisely…
Hans
So then we shift to the open discussion and as always, we learned from talking to each other about the ways we manage our lives and our hearts.
Kinky Talk #29: Wed February 2nd, 2022
20:00-21:30 CET on Zoom
2022-02-02 ~ Kinky Talks 29: Polyamory in Practice
February 2nd, 8:00PM-9:30PM CET
Adalberto & Hans
@ Kinky Talk #29 on Zoom
& you
Registration on our Mailchimp list is until 6 pm on the date of our Kinky Talk. When you are registered we’ll send you an email with the zoom link for our talk (starting at 8pm A’dam time) every month, that date around 7PM.
We will record only the first part of the talk and then continue with unrecorded open conversations about these tips in all privacy. So please keep your microphone muted until we stop the recording, or you’ll risk getting your face on YouTube.
On 2/2/22 Juan and Alex, Adalberto and Hans created
Adalberto & Hans & Guests
Kinky Talk #29 on Zoom
About: Polyamory in Practice
Kinky Talks 