On World AIDS day 2021 we thought it was important to discuss not so much a sexy subject, but a sex subject
We think this is the date
And of course, HIV does not mean AIDS anymore. But there is a lot to be said about sex and HIV. First of all:
#getfuckingtested
(Bentley, 2021)
2021-12-01 ~ Kinky Talks 27: HIV – PrEP – U=U and more
Our Guests
We had several guests introducing their personal stories and useful tips. We had on Zoom: BentleyvanWoofs, Ivo and/or Stanley from NoMoreC (nomorec.nl), Stephan (Mr Leather 2020/21) and Tio (Mr Leather 2022).
We did hear their personal stories (look at the youtube) and their tips.
Stephan had his 27th ‘birthday’ (actually being 16 years “overtime” for his doctor said to him he’d most likely die around 30 -in the ’80s doctors still did make such predictions-). Bently today had his 13th ‘birthday’ with the virus. Stanley had his 12th and talks on this youtube about how he was inspired to be open about his status. He talks about the ways that your own stigma can reflect in your own fears. And it is great to hear how many people -both in and outside the scene- are unsuspectedly open to discuss illnesses and treatment aspects of HIV. Tio has his 2nd ‘birthday’ and actually came out online today (see the Dutch Youtube down at the bottom of this page). Ivo talks about his start with PrEP and how that liberated his life.
Question: “are you clean?”
Stephan
Answer: “I did shower this morning” (…)
Education and Coming out
We might learn from Stephan who doesn’t ‘come out’ anymore. He just discusses aspects of his life rather casually, as they are, without that ‘coming out’-intention. If you can take the freedom for yourself to just mention things in your life as they are, and if you take the time to see how people react to that, and maybe you want to educate them if necessary. And of course, more visible positions ask for more responsibility to educate. But one shouldn’t place the burden of education only on the HIV-positives. We should also place responsibility on ourselves and on other agencies. It would be good to go into schools and have sex-education that is more than “stay away from sex, for you could end up diseased or pregnant”. Let’s talk about sex as a fun, quality-of-life-aspect, also mentioning the risks in that light.
We need to also educate the ‘straight’ people to get the stigma off of HIV
Tio
There are people (the younglings) in the gay scene that need education and there are even more people outside of the gay scene that need education. To be sex-positive it is not only good to talk about the upsides of fetishes and kinks but also about the reality of the downsides of sex and chemsex. Sex-positivity means also the ability to talk bout your status of different STD’s, whatever is positive or negative. You are not ‘dirty’, you are having sex. Don’t let anyone tell you you are ‘dirty’. STD’s is an aspect of having sex.
There is no ‘safe sex’ there is only SafeR Sex (if you do it right). So don’t promote yourself as “I’m ‘clean’“ for that implies ‘dirty’.
We don’t promote taking unnecessary risks. But we do promote to be ‘Risk Aware’ and ‘informed’ in the sex you consent to.
Tests and medications have different prices in different countries. Some people seem to make more money or charge more. Ask around in your (HIV+) network to find out what is possible in your country.
Hepatitis C too
And we should not think that it is only HIV that is changing lives, as a disease. So please get informed and take a peek at www.nomorec.nl for instance (same name in different counties) to learn about Hep C.
We want to inform and teach without ‘raising a finger’
NoMoreC
The open discussion
In the open discussion we did talk about:
- PrEP (Pre Exposure Prophylaxis),
- U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable),
- TasP, (Treatment as Prevention),
- #GetFuckingTested!
PrEP
PrEP ( (Pre Exposure Prophylaxis) is prophylactic medication for people that are not infected yet. It shouldn’t be taken as medication after an infection.
Taking PrEP regularly if you have regular contacts, or taking PrEP around risky sex situations (do start early enough and do take it the days after oral and anal sex -vaginal infections might be a bit different-). This can give you the confidence that is most likely important to enjoy sex. Condoms can rip or slip and it is good to be safe. But it is not realistic to think of HIV as we did in the ’80s when an HIV diagnosis seemed to be a death sentence. There are good medications lately that have the potential ability to live longer than non-HIV kinksters. You are tested more often and the medications are more selective and not as aggressive as they used to be. Especially where Covid seems to have gained a lot of information about viruses in general, lately.
Get informed about the idea: for instance (Dutch -if you got other URL’s send them to Hans-)
TasP (Treatment as Prevention) for HIV
Treatment as prevention (TasP) refers to HIV prevention methods and programmes that use antiretroviral treatment (ART) to decrease the risk of HIV transmission. Meaning: if people are treated well, then their virus-count becomes so low that people are not infectious anymore. This is where the treatment of your HIV becomes a preventative to transmit the virus to their HIV-negative lovers.
Treatment does not only affect the quantity of the virus, it also diminishes the quality of the virus. Therefore leaving it less infectious. But that does not make the step to quit meds a safe step because sometimes HIV can flare up rather violently. The sooner after HIV-infection one starts his medication, the better it is. AIDS does not need to occur if you are quick enough. But that does need a regular test regimen.
Know your sexual health status: #GetFuckingTested
Stephan
New Meds
There are new medications coming out as we speak. A lot of infections arise from not taking your meds at the same time, every day (especially TINA -crystal meth- with its long ‘kick-time’ does tend to throw people off their rhythm). So if that could be replaced by mi-monthly injections that would be a big step forwards. Steve sent us an article from the Guardian about this (https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/nov/18/new-hiv-jabs-taken-two-months-apart-hailed-as-huge-step-forward). With about 100,000 people having HIV in Britain, it is estimated that initially at least 13,000 people will be eligible for the new jab in England alone.
U=U
The U=U message is important for people with HIV and for people without.
U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) is scientifically tested. If someone is treated properly and tested regularly (an indivisible aspect of treatment) you will not transfer the virus. Not even when you are the bottom in bare sex (that is the position with the biggest chance of getting infected… way, way riskier than receiving oral sex for instance)
Being informed is knowing your risks
Kinky Talks 27
HIV as a fetish?
We did talk about the people that are so jaded or fucked up that they organise ‘Russian Roulette Parties’ (bare-sex parties where one of the guests is HIV+). It is easy to just talk about this as ‘fucked up’ and ‘stupid’ but it might show how people might have forgotten about the “Wall of Death” and respect all the people who died in the ’80s and ’90s. We might forget about the people who are so bitter about their infections that they are posting video’s online about the way they drugged people and tried to infect them. And we heard from one of the victims how ignorant the police sometimes reacts, saying “you wanted to go to a sex party”. For people in similar situations, it can be important for our community to fight in court for our right to consent. For women, there is a lot of ‘legal sympathy’ but most likely we do need trials in court to get the police to take these allegations as seriously when they come from gay men. In Holland, there are ‘Pink in Blue’ personnel that you can ask for at the police station: gay men and lesbian women in the police force.
Chemsex parties
We talked shortly about the risk of chemsex-parties. And where we certainly don’t want to promote abstinence or “just don’t”-messages. But there are a lot of people getting infected while ‘under influence’. It is important to recognise the chemsex-parties from the sex-parties. They are promoted openly on certain sites or covertly (for instance by the ‘plane-emoticon’ -getting high- or more directly by the syringe emoticon).
Chemsex ≠ Safer Sex
Hans
With this night we hope to have added to your risk-education. To do your own risk evaluation.
People ar not ‘sick’ they have an infection. For the HIV+ amongst us, it is living with a (up till now) chronic infection. A few people were officially cured but that is often a ‘side effect’ of the treatment of other, much more serious conditions than HIV (bone marrow transplants).
So the best thing you can do is to get the word out:
#KnowYourStatus #GetfuckingTested
KinkyTalks 27
On World AIDS Day DECEMBER 1,
Adalberto & Hans & Guests
8:00PM-9:30PM CET
this was Kinky Talk #27 on Zoom
About: HIV – PrEP – U=U and more
Registration on our Mailchimp list is until 6 pm on the date of our Kinky Talk. And the email with the zoom link for our talk (starting at 8pm A’dam time) will be sent around 7pm, that date at the latest.
We will record only the first part of the talk and then continue with unrecorded open conversations about these tips in all privacy. Please keep your microphone muted until we stop the recording, or you risk getting your face on YouTube.
Tio’s message
The (Dutch) message earlier 01/12/21 from Tio to the world
Kinky Talks 
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