2021-02-10 ~ Kinky Talks 15: Dark Eros: Tantra and BDSM


Both Jakey and Viktor both tell our listeners clearly that they are open for questions and informing people.
So if you got questions: look them up online: MrVikThor.com and Instagram: TantricKinkster..


Kinky Talk #15

In this talk, we talked about the connection between the sacred and the profane, the connection between the spiritual side of sexuality and the bodily experience of it. Tantra can be a road into kink and dark Eros can be an experience of both consciousness and sexual fetishes. Our discussion went all over the place and I hope to have included the important things.

Vikthor introduced us to “sacred lock”: a basic Tantric practice where we breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth while trying to connect with both sides of yourself (receiving and giving) and while squeezing your perineum (the muscles in your pelvic floor in unison with your breathing exercise. It is used to align the head and the body into the here-and-now.
Breath-work can be also be used to experiment with other states of consciousness. For instance to help somebody open themselves for fisting without having to revert to drugs like Poppers to relax the sphincters.

And onther states of consciousness can be combined with being more intentional about your sexuality. A help in these areas can be to think about an erotic commentation of things as Prana (“everything one ‘takes in’ on different levels -oxygen, food, & information through the senses”) and things like the different chakra’s we are supposed to have in our body: the 1st being for the most basic feelings like sex, hunger, pain, the 2nd being about your desires -your fetishism- and the shape-shifting from say being a loving Daddy to an sadistic asshole -and back-), the 3rd being about Power and Will power (and power exchange -the plexus Solaris in the body-), the 4th being about the heart that connects to love, care and compassion, the 5th being about the throat and communication and expression in al forms (daring to give voice to your inner stirrings), the 6th being about the third eye, connecting to intuition and senses (use a blindfold), the 7th being about wisdom to align these aspects within yourself translating into an understanding about who we are and what we doing here. It is the door to consciousness and altered states of mind (in kink we experience altered states of mind).

Jakey talked about his (inner) journey and his group “tantra for gay men” and about counting his days of holding back the peak orgasm (23 att). Jakey also has the tip to align your breath to your strokes is you are self-pleasuring. Short breaths for fast strokes, and longer slower breaths for slower stroking. So when you are having your next self-pleasuring session: remember to breathe! 

We discussed the death (of the ego) as an act of transformation, as a surrender to the dominant, and also ‘le petit Mort’, the connection between death and orgasm.

We also talked about the massage inside the anus. In the anus, those first 4 chakras could be found on the inside of the anus and the feeling of the tissues. Massaging these layers could also be used to achieve 4 different orgasms.

“Can I do Tantra on my self?”

There was a question: “Can I do Tantra on my self?”
And the answer was yes. Learning the conscious touch -feeling with all of your senses-. It can help you in the connection with others but it can also help to connect to your self. You could say that Tantra is not so much used to reach enlightenment. But it is a way to be a better version of your self.

And it can help you to create sacred spaces in your life

The origin of Tantra was rather revolutional where the different casts were mixed and it mixed the different casts. It was revolting and forbidden because it did not lean on needing priests toi give answers. It was revolutionary at the time to find your own answers in your on body. And being geared to be a better version of yourself.
Tantra, as a practice and lifestyle, differs from teacher to teacher, from school to school and the European versions try to do this without too much deity worship. The classical tantra differs immensly from the neotantra from Barbara Barbara Carallas or Body Electric from Osho.

Tantra is not just sex

Tantra also helps to understand mindsets not so much domspace and subspace but one could view it as a form of meditation. The passive Shakti subbish, feminine side… and the Shiva sun dominant ‘male’ side of the dynamic.

Tantra is not just sex but basically erotic massage often without ejaculation-orgasm. And learning how to breathe is really important either to maintain erections or to prevent early orgasms.
Vikthor did teach us activating breathing techniques combining squeezing the pelvic muscles while breathing in and out with different sounds (like drawing in air as if breathing in through a straw and with a “hahh” sound out, faster and faster to energise your self. And also breathing in while squeezing the pelvic floor muscles and releasing them on exhaling. Playing with energy and or intentionality during massage, playing with breathing and intentionality, of add a blindfold to increase sensitivity and intentionality could be tips to increase the sensation during sensation-play and spanking.

Jakey advises us to take a look at the British museum exhibitions about Tantra, enlightenment- & revolution if we’d like to learn more of Tantra.

daring to really sex your love, that is dark eros

Literature:

Urban Tantra:

  • Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first century – Barbara Carrellas (An all inclusive book which provides tips for solo tantric practices, partnered practices, and tips on tantric BDSM)
  • Tantra: the supreme understanding – Osho (Tantra and it’s philosophies and principles according to spiritual leader Osho)
  • Tantra Illuminated – Christopher Wallis (A comprehensive book which looks at the history of classical tantra from a tantric academic point of view and it’s practices)

BDSM and spirituality

  • Radical Estascy: SM Journeys into Transcendence – Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (personal stories from two explorers of kink and spirit as they explore pleasure, pain and estascy)
  • Sacred Kink: The eightfold paths of BDSM and beyond – Lee Harrington (A book which looks at 8 different paths of BDSM practices which can be applied to spiritual practices. Includes stories to inspire you, tips on what you can explore when exploring certain paths, and how it links to other eightfold paths.)
  • the Trust Handbook by Bert Hermann (dedicated to chakras and BDSM relationships)

Sex Magick

  • Igniting Intimacy: Sex Magic Rituals for Radical Living & Loving – Rowan Bombadil (a playbook with practical tips on solo sex magick practices, practices involving others, as well as other practices involving nature, God and Divinity.)

Navigating a tantric lifestyle (books) – Relationships

  • The Ethical Slut: A Roadmap for Relationship Pioneers: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures (a book which provides insightful ways on how to explore open relationships, polyamory, and jealousy. Useful guide for those who wish to explore tantric relationships)

Sexuality is not an issue… but a challenge

Jakey and Viktor

“Tantrickinkster” Jakey Tay is a Tantric Kinkster combining Kinky, Queer and Spiritual elements and has investigated Tantra on different levels.
He can be found on:
Twitter: KinksterTantric
Instagram: TantricKinkster

He is Queer, Kinky and Spiritual. A 21st century hippie, spreading love and positivity (as an old hippy Hans loooves the hippies of these days). Expect tantric tips, some NSFW content, views on sex, sexuality and spirituality, and some cheeky self promo.


URL’s of interest:
Tantra4GayMen.com
The #Tantra4GayMen app 🏳️‍🌈

Viktor is one of the early People to combine BDSM and Spritual Tantric practices in Holland. He can be found on:
MrVikThor.com and
MrvikThor Tantrico: Theatre maker,Tantric Masseur and Conscious kinkster.

BDSM and bondage in his hands can be like a way to connect with your inner emotions. Helping people hands-on with the exploration of their sexuality, kink and their spiritual concepts. In his own words:

“BDSM and Tantra is an approach to kink sexuality that will connect us with the spirit and the emotions as a fundamental aspect that can bring new light to our kink experience.”

URL’s of interest:
MrVikThor.com
PaganBDSM.org

If you got questions or ideas for new kinky talks: tell Hans or Adalberto.
See you there!





Published by KinkindeRelatie

A Kink Aware and openminded (relationship) coach. That does not mean you have to talk about kink, but at least here you don't have to be silent about it.

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